I've not had the motivation to blog since god knows when. I was on twitter this afternoon and the "Who to follow" window suggested a friend's ex and I was curious since she seemed to be special to him. And I always love snooping around to know more about how someone could mean so much to another.
So I went to her blog and have been reading it at work and even now on my com at home.
She seems like an interesting person! She reads, reads manga, watches anime, plays games, loves music, knows Japanese and is studying what I'm quite interested in. I wish we could be friends, AHHHHH
But her posts left me stuck in deep thoughts..
It reminded me of something, that I've never had the time to ponder over, since my life is superfucking busy now. What the feeling of having a boyfriend was like.
I don't know how to describe it, I'd always thought it was weird how people's relationship status could be complicated. Life is complicated enough, why let the other things in life be difficult.
I miss going on dates. Movies, touristy places(Sentosa, SEA Aquarium, ECP cycling etc), eating good food(and not having to pay), going to town, eating Cold Stone and cafe hopping. Are they the fun things to do while being in a relationship?
Having a hand to hold, just to feel safe while walking together or just lazing about. Spending the whole day nua-ing watching movies and shit. I...... miss that but sometimes when I'm harsh on myself I feel that I've wasted my few years doing all that instead of working on my passion and interests.
I AM WEIRD. But I know that I can't lie to myself. I know my friends are all "meh, she's gonna go back to him again, like she always does". Sometimes I want to, but I know that I'm not sold on that idea anymore. I can't bring myself to type "muack" to him ._. maybe I did but I don't want to not mean it.
I mean it's not like I don't love him but he just feels like a close kin. Someone I care about, but I don't really mind when we don't keep in touch or meet up. I have been used to him not being in my life. We can go without messaging each other for like days. Like thoughts of talking to him doesn't even creep into my mind.
So it's weird. But still, it sucked badly when he cried during our Japan trip. I just wanted to cradle his head in my arms and make it all better for him. I cried myself cause I can't stand people crying. But then I cried even more cause I know I care for him, but I can't be with him anymore. I know it sounds silly but come on. We can't stand each other, can we?
I can love someone but not want to be with him, amirite? WHY ARE THERE FRIENDS THAT DON'T GET THAT?! You can based it on your own experience but do not call me out on it when you don't really know what I'm feeling.
Alright. I have been dragging for long enough. 2:24 AM. Work tomorrow. Bye.
